i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
