***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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