I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
