it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
