just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
sex in a hospital.. check
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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