omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
