Do you still have your period?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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