dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
