You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
