sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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