went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
