You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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