She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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