I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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