You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
