Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
