two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
