nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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