Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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