I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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