I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
