she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
