the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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