The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize