I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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