around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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