so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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