I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
