Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
