we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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