She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
