Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
