I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
