He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
