neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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