Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
