I want to make a zoo with you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
