This girl is more easily done than said...
Girls should come with a carfax report
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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