When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize