You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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