i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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