dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
