Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
