It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
