he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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