i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's blow job season.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
