Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
