She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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