So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
