i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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