You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
