can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
