I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
