i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
