I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
