What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
