I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
