Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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