It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
