I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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