sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
