At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize